Guilt is generally a good thing. It keeps our impulses in check, inspires us to protedct our families and communities, and helps us learn from mistakes. Unfortunately, it can also fuel depression and anxiety, or overwhelm accident survivors and war veterans. If left to fester, bad guilt can literally ruin a person’s life.
So how do you know if you’re suffering from good or bad guilt? And what can you do about it? There are five-step path to guilt freedom.
1. Recognize that guilt is normal. You’ll hear people say, “if only I had done this, I could have made a difference.” This is the prefrontal cortex—the guilt center of the brain, which is responsible planning, forethought, judgment, and impulse control—trying to make sense of the situation. The average criminal’s prefrontal cortex tends to be relatively quiet, but the area is overactive in people who tend to worry or who are racked with guilt.
2. Identify the type of guilt. If it’s helpful guilt, take the message seriously: “Yes, I should stop smoking.” If it’s destructive (why did I live when others were killed?), seek professional help.
3. Understand the triggers. When guilt’s nipping at your heels, write down exactly what you’re thinking. Are your thoughts rational, or are they just shredding your insides like a salami slicer? Putting your thoughts to paper will help you see the situation more objectively.
4. Make amends. If your guilt stems from having hurt someone, take action. Apologize, write a letter, or offer to help that person in some way.
5. Forgive yourself. This is key. When you can say, “I did the best I could,” or “I can learn from this experience,” guilt is on its way out. – Daniel G Amen. M.D
