People often make choices without getting all of the appropriate information. That means you’re moving forward based on assumptions about what the drawbacks and benefits of each option might be, rather than facts. This, in turn, can lead to poor choices—and heightened anxiety. To gather the facts you need:
SURVEY YOUR SITUATION. Think about—and write down—who and what will affect you decision. Are there others whose expertise, or experience with a similar situation, will help you make the best move? (They can be neighbors, friends of friends, relatives—you name it). Has anything happened in the past, or are there any special circumstances related to your choice, that you need to factor in?
These are the kinds of details my friend looked into when deciding whether her 9 year old twin boys should repeat second grade (they were struggling with reading and comprehension). I’ve known a 37-year-old mom asked her children’s teachers and doctors how other kids who’d repeated a school year had fared, read up on the subject on parenting and education website, and evaluated her sons’ test score (with the help of their teacher) to see what grade level they were currently working at. Ultimately, she decided to keep them back a year, and they’re now doing well in the third grade.
FEND OFF OPINIONS. You’re interested only in facts and figures right now. Personal commentary—such as other mom’s opinions of how teachers treat kids who are held back—come much later in the process. To get the details you want, be sure to pose specific, factual questions, like those described above.
ASK FOR HELP. You don’t have to do all the fact-gathering yourself. If, for instance, your local library doesn’t have a book or magazine that you’re looking for, ask a staffer there if he can order what you need through their interlibrary loan program.
