Young people appear to take for granted all the comforts and luxuries provided by parents. Often enough, one hears parents claim that they have brought up their kids in the best possible manner — even if it meant bribing someone, or lying or being dishonest. But shouldn’t parents stop and think about the dangerous effects of their children indirectly benefiting from dishonesty.

Parents need to confront these issues. They have nothing to do with changing times. They have everything to do with sound basic values. Such matters need to be thrashed out delicately with children. This can only happen if a parent spends enough time with his/her child.

As any parent will agree, it is always easier to say “yes” than “no” to one’s child. It is easier to agree than disagree. But it is unwise to take the easy way out. It is wise to recognize how exactly society has changed. Sometimes, money has replaced family time. Sometimes, modern parents are too self-absorbed to pay attention to their children. Whatever the problem, the best parenting is by example. Give way on everything else, but not on fundamental values. Howsoever fashionable the values of the day, it is only the basics handed down the generations that can keep society rooted and on the right path.

Change is inevitable but it should be positive. There is no argument but that change must occur. But change must never be allowed to affect core moral values.

HOME TRUTHS

The early years are crucial to instill fundamental universal values in a child. It is these values that will last him/her a lifetime.

Children increasingly tend to question authority and this change must be accepted — and handled — by parents and teachers.

In our modern times, the authoritarian parent has had to move into the role of friend. The openness that comes with this is an advantage. – The Times of India

(As a former diplomat’s wife, Shobhana Balakrishnan has been associated with schools and social organisations in many countries across the world)

Today’s children watch parental behavior closely. Leading by example is the only mantra that can work. Children increasingly tend to question authority and this change must be accepted — and handled — by parents and teachers.

A child may mock one’s “old-fashioned values” because they may not fit into his/ her way of thinking, or interfere with his/her plans, but it is only possible to impart values to children if the parents’ lives are governed by the same principles.

Parents have to exemplify what they want their child to be. Children don’t respect and believe their parents just because they are their parents. In our modern times, the authoritarian parent has had to move into the role of friend. The openness that comes with such sharing is an advantage, but it can also result in an overly casual attitude towards parents. It is very different from times gone by when the parent’s wish was the child’s command and the parent’s authority was unquestioned. Wise parenting means practicing one’s beliefs, keeping one’s your values strong and voicing them in context even as one accepts positive changes in a child’s so long as his/her basic values are intact.

It is not necessarily a problem if today’s child want to be independent in views and behavior from a very early age. For instance, even the motivation to “make money” need not be seen as against family values so long as he/she tries to get rich using methods that remain within the framework of fundamental values. It is only by accepting that times change that parents can perceive this as a forward movement by a young and dynamic generation. But there is a lot to frighten the older generation.

For instance, young people’s tendency to live life luxuriously without a thought for tomorrow or any apparent appreciation of all that it took to create wealth and opportunity. It is frightening to see the easy arrogance that comes with the next generation’s easy access to money and consumer goods.

Good morning friends.  Sometimes there’s a change in our life which we can’t accept. No matter what bad or good will changes, we should absorb it. 

There will always be conflict between generations. The older generation is expected to change with the times. They are made to believe that their archaic thinking is not in sync with modern trends. The younger lot, on the other hand, is expected to follow in the elders’ footsteps.

Our thinking is largely shaped by our family, school and workplace. While change is inevitable and our thoughts keep evolving with the changing times, there are some traits that do not lose their relevance even with the passage of time — honesty, empathy, integrity, compassion, tolerance, humility and respect. In that case, should such universal norms also change? And if so, what could be the implications?

To be a parent is a challenging task, especially in these times of rapid change. Having traveled and lived in different parts of the world, I believe that we are in a new age, in which the new generation has a new outlook. Its approach to life, people and the environment is dominated by a more detached and practical approach, with less idealism and more cynicism. Fundamental values have a place only if these fit in with their lives, rather than their lives being designed around these values.

Parents must accept this change in a child’s attitude. Wise parenting lies in instilling basic values in children, keeping in mind their changing mindset and adapting one’s approach accordingly. A sensible approach would be to accept that society will and should change, hopefully for the better. Accepting change while inculcating core values is the key to sound parenting. The early years are crucial to instill fundamental universal values in a child. It is these values that will last a lifetime.

Weakness on the part of parents in inculcating these basic values will mean the next generation will behave worse, possibly showing disrespect to parents and grossly abusing parental support solely to fulfill personal desires.

The process of strategizing while solving a problem throws up many facets of ourselves that we never knew existed. Adversity has been a blessing often enough and ought to be respected rather than feared. Complications arise most often because we take things personally and too seriously. Surrender only destroys self-esteem. Fighting enhances it. The difference between the two is just a matter of attitude.

Helplessness is a state of the mind. Most successful businessmen and corporate executives are paid for their ability to keep cool in the most trying of circumstances. They probably begin where others stop trying. Fixing the blame is not what absolves one of failure. Fixing the problem is the only redemption.

Anger, fear, resentment and frustration only muddle neural networks. They are mere manifestations of the fight, flight or fright response. What is actually needed is a right, bright, and trite response. This response can only be attained with a calm and controlled thought process. Knee-jerk responses are just reflexes without any form of cerebration. They are most often fruitless. A deliberate, conscious effort needs to be inculcated to programme a conditioned response.

A positive approach is a big help, as it tends to activate the right brain, the one that has great intuitive abilities. The most appropriate response to any problem would be whole-brained. That is with both the right and left hemispheres giving their inputs. The dominant half — the left-brain in right-handed persons and right brain in left-handed persons – enables analysis, logic and assessment. It tends to be a fragmentary approach.

The right has a more intuitive, subtle and holistic approach. A combined two-pronged approach is much more likely to bring out the best in adversity — and make it easier for the butterfly in you to take wing. – The times of Indian

Good day to all my friends.  In our life there will always be a problem that we will encounter.  Sometimes it’s a very serious problem and we thought to end everything in an evil way.  That is not right.  God gave us a problem and He knows that we can solve whatever problem there is.  We  just need to accept what will come to us.  Don’t look too far for solutions.  Solution will always be there the least we expected.

Change is the inevitability of life. Our interpretation of change determines our attitude and approach to life.

What is apparently beneficial is accepted without any fuss. When it comes to accepting the inconvenient and the unpleasant, there begins conflict and resentment. However the seemingly hopeless situations that are very painful to deal with are also instruments of change. ‘What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly,’ wrote Richard Bach.

Every seemingly hopeless situation is pregnant with the potential to effect improvement. It’s just that one usually looks at the problem in a way that’s too upfront. That creates a myopic perspective in dealing with the problem.

Like Godels theorem, which states that no part of a system can comprehend the system as long as it is an integral part of the system. As we distance ourselves from the problem, and have a bird’s-eye perspective, we can begin to see the issue in another light. Anticipation of the problem always tends to magnify the event and imagine it to be much more frightful. Anticipation should prepare, not scare.

A rigid approach that expects things to happen in a specific way only makes matters worse. The ability to adapt is what can make things better. Rigidity limits available options. It severely handicaps creativity, which is considered the mother of solutions. Serendipity happens only because the mind is open and willing to look at the same thing differently.

An alternative viewpoint is critical to make the most of any given situation. The severest of problems have more often than not brought out the best from many individuals. Isn’t it also said: “Necessity is the mother of invention”?

Any emotional situation that takes us out of the present and into the past means that whenever the same kind of emotion crops up later in our life we return to the past for our reference point. If that point was at age three, we find ourselves behaving like a three-year-old. We feel childish and we behave childishly. Even worse, we condemn ourselves for being stupid or immature and through our mental self-talk; reinforce the problem while desperately searching for a solution.

Whenever we feel deeply stressed our brain and body goes into a fight or flight response. It’s good if we can actually fight or run away, but most times we just freeze emotionally. Our ‘frozen feelings’ are the cause of this ‘glitch’ in our learning process. We know we should be able to make a positive change, but that doesn’t change anything. With a sense of helplessness we fear the future and self-doubt rules our lives.

The process of change need not be traumatic. We need to understand that whatever pain we experienced in the past because of which we made certain choices, were the only recourse we had at the time. We couldn’t have done any better because we didn’t know how to. But we should realize that was then and this is now! We can get help from trained professionals and learn to unblock the negative emotions fused in our past that affect our positive future. We can choose to choose again. It’s up to us. It’s our movie!  -The Times of India

The writer is the co-founder, AJNA Centre for Learning, Pune.  E-mail: ajnacenter@yahoo.com.  Website: www.ajnacenter.com

Good morning friends.  Did we ever grow up? Well, yes and no! A part of us did and some parts of us didn’t. Let’s find out how that happens. 

Every child experiences all that happens around him with total awareness. In the first seven years the child’s brain is like a sponge, taking in all sensory inputs and building his idea of his surroundings. As long as the environment is safe, the child learns with incredible speed. However, when the environment is scary or stressful, the child unlearns past learning just as rapidly.

In the early years of every child’s life, whenever there is shock, violence, fear or pain, these intense emotions are imprinted deeply into memory. Whenever the same activity or situation is repeated, the nervous system and body subconsciously re-experience the memory of that trauma. This creates a blind spot in the child’s neurological process and he literally goes blind to any alternative except knee-jerk, repetitive reactions.

As an example, if a toddler is happily playing with a puppy and gets accidentally scratched or bitten he might forget the incident consciously but never be able to like being around dogs and may not know the reason why. All compulsive behaviors begin this way and continue into adulthood, until we are willing to make another choice.

For instance, when a child is learning the alphabets, say ABC, if there is stress around him like people shouting or judgments like, ‘You’ll never do it right’, or constant comparisons, this activity gets fused together with other sensory inputs like hearing and seeing and one package of memory is formed. From then on whenever he attempts to learn ABC or write he subconsciously remembers past events and feelings and the same stress comes on line. This interferes with his ability to do it well. Over time, the child may even avoid trying to read or write because he believes it is stressful and undoable.

On the other hand, some people blame money for all the ills in society. There are others who even consider it an evil. Just as possessing money brings arrogance, rejecting it too makes one arrogant. Some people who renounce money take pride in their poverty to draw attention and sympathy.

However, ancient sages honored money or maya as a part of the divine and transcended the grip of its illusion. They knew that when we reject or hate something, we can never transcend it.

They honored wealth as Goddess Lakshmi, the consort of Narayana. She is born out of yoga. It is yoga that transforms the bad karma and brings out latent skills and talents. It also brings up ashtasiddhis, the eight perfections and nav nidhis, the nine wealth.

Yoga helps one move from arrogance to self-confidence, meekness to humility, dependence to interdependence, from craving for freedom to the recognition of unboundedness and from a limited ownership to oneness with the whole.

\When people lack faith in the Divine or in their own abilities or in the goodness of society they suffer from a deep sense of insecurity. As a result all that appears to provide security is money. They rely on something that is not certain, and end up getting upset. Uncertainty causes craving for stability.

The world is of change; the Self is of non-change. We have to rely on the non-change and accept the change. This is like perceiving the real as unreal and unreal as real. In fact, all miseries are unreal. A wise man knows that happiness is real, as it is our very nature. Unhappiness is unreal because it is inflicted by memory. When we see everything as a dream, then we abide in our true nature — love, joy and peace. We then understand that money is not all-important. Values, sense of belonging, love and care are more important. – The Times of India

Website: www.artofliving.org.

Good morning friends.  Some people, money is their God.  Money is everything.  Money creates a false sense of independence.  They said . . . money is the root of all evil.  But we should always remember that It must be use in a right way. 

Money gives one a sense of freedom and ownership. We believe that with money we can own anything, that we can put a price tag on anybody’s services. 

Ownership of something means total control of its existence. When we buy a piece of land, we feel that we own it, although the land continues to exist even after the owner is no more. How can we own something that outlives us?

Money also gives the idea that we are powerful and independent, blinding us to the fact that we live in a world of interdependence. We depend on farmers, cooks, drivers and the services of so many people around us. Even an expert surgeon cannot operate by herself. She depends on others. Because we pay for their services, we overlook the fact that we depend on them.

If we look at why most people with money are arrogant we will find it is because of the feeling of independence that money brings. The awareness of dependence on the other hand makes one humble. The basic human quality of humility is taken away by a false feeling of independence.

Can money really reflect the worth of a person? We cannot put a value to human life. Wealth can be attained through one’s skills, abilities, inheritance, or through corrupt means. The means of attaining wealth brings its own consequences. The very motive for corruption is peace and happiness. Yet peace and happiness remain elusive when the means are corrupt.

As possession of money creates the illusion of independence, money is often referred to as maya. A Sanskrit phrase sums it up: Miyate anaya iti maya – That which can be measured is maya.

Good morning friends.  Sometimes our mind we have fixed decision.  We don’t know what will be the result of that.  But sometimes also even we know what will be the consequence we still do what we want.  In our life, we should open our mind to change.  Even if we don’t like that, the important is that it will be good in the end.  

Being spiritual to me is being happy; happiness comes when you accept what you have in life.

We need to be content to be happy. And one can’t be content by expecting too much from life; it’s a cycle, so it’s better to accept what life offers. I ask God for a healthy life and that is the most important. 

If one has good health, then wealth is bound to follow because a healthy mind and body, I believe, keeps one spirituality fit. One does not overtly have to display religious beliefs to be spiritual. It lies in nature, people and everything around us. Say, wearing a T-shirt with God’s images or sporting amulets and talismans doesn’t make one spiritual. 

These are outer layers of a being, which have no connection to one’s spirituality. God resides in what lies beneath the skin. There is always a supreme force guiding us and I believe in it. 

Everyone in this world has a mission or a purpose in life, and it’s never too late to fulfill it.

There’s a thin thread that binds spirituality and God and that is ‘faith’ — faith that things will turn good and better in the end. Spirituality is in learning new things; it’s all about opening your mind, getting ready for change and discovering the world. Education makes us feel all learned, but what we don’t know might actually be bigger than the sum total of what we’ve been taught all our lives. 

For me, spirituality is the quest to know the unknown. I thank God for everything. I find beauty in all His creations and see everything in a positive way. I’ve always looked at the glass as half full and not half empty — maybe that’s what has been the driving force in my life.  – The Times of India 

(Waheeda Rehman is a former actor)